Growing Thicker Skin
I posted some time ago that I was joining the mentoring crew over at Author Mentor Match, a program created by one of my very good friends, Alexa Donne. (She also happens to have wonderful book news, but I will have a separate post about her amazing book.)
We had a lot of writers pitch their books to us and we were given ample time to sift through and find the book, or books, that most called to us. I understand now, given my small glimpse of dealing with writers and with having to reject books, what my agent and what editors go through. It was exciting seeing my inbox fill up, but also slightly terrifying. I had trouble deciding which books I thought I could help. I mean, that's the whole point of this program. Most of us mentoring are writers - not editors - and most of us have genres that we tend to stick to, so we sought out books that fit within our comfort zones. There were loads of books sent to me that I enjoyed reading and wanted to see get chosen but they were books I didn't feel I could help.
Long story shortened, I chose two books and I am very happy with my choices.
You would think that that would be the end of the story. Everyone chose their books, the mentees were announced, and all acceptance and rejection emails were sent out. The end.
Nope.
For some odd reason, some writers chose to write back, replying to being rejected. Some responded nicely to notes they had been sent (even if we didn't click with a story, we sent some notes either on the query or the first few pages to give the writer an idea of what we thought they should be working on) thanking the mentor for reaching out. Please remember that we get it. We have been where you are. We still get rejection. I mean, have you ever been on submission? It's like a slow death where you sit and refresh your inbox. So I understand not being chosen. I understand how much it hurts. You feel like a failure. But for all of you writers who have been rejected by mentoring programs or pitch wars or whatever, you cannot look at it as failure. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that your book is the equivalent of sunshine and rainbows and that everything is always going to go your way. I'm not going to tell you that you'll make Harry Potter money and be as famous as Stephen King one day. For most of us, that will never happen. The difference is, while we still keep that dream alive in the back of our minds, we know that that golden road is walked by a very few and we don't seek it out. We work hard, we keep writing, and if we don't find success with one book we move on to the next. We have something you need: thick skin.
When you get rejected, be upset, be angry, cry in the shower, or binge on tacos and beer, but don't respond with a passive aggressive email. You were not rejected for personal reasons. You were rejected because the person you submitted to did not click with your book and that's not a bad thing. If they didn't understand your story or your voice, why would you want them critiquing or editing you? They could end up altering your book so much that it doesn't feel like your book anymore. So I want you to look at it as though (and this is cliche) it was meant to be. You need to find someone who can really help you move your writing and your career in the right direction and that takes time and, let's be honest, a touch of luck. Keep writing! And when someone rejects you, read the email, mark them off your list, and move on to the next. Build up those calluses!
Being rejected isn't the end. It's simply a pothole on your road to success.
We had a lot of writers pitch their books to us and we were given ample time to sift through and find the book, or books, that most called to us. I understand now, given my small glimpse of dealing with writers and with having to reject books, what my agent and what editors go through. It was exciting seeing my inbox fill up, but also slightly terrifying. I had trouble deciding which books I thought I could help. I mean, that's the whole point of this program. Most of us mentoring are writers - not editors - and most of us have genres that we tend to stick to, so we sought out books that fit within our comfort zones. There were loads of books sent to me that I enjoyed reading and wanted to see get chosen but they were books I didn't feel I could help.
Long story shortened, I chose two books and I am very happy with my choices.
You would think that that would be the end of the story. Everyone chose their books, the mentees were announced, and all acceptance and rejection emails were sent out. The end.
Nope.
For some odd reason, some writers chose to write back, replying to being rejected. Some responded nicely to notes they had been sent (even if we didn't click with a story, we sent some notes either on the query or the first few pages to give the writer an idea of what we thought they should be working on) thanking the mentor for reaching out. Please remember that we get it. We have been where you are. We still get rejection. I mean, have you ever been on submission? It's like a slow death where you sit and refresh your inbox. So I understand not being chosen. I understand how much it hurts. You feel like a failure. But for all of you writers who have been rejected by mentoring programs or pitch wars or whatever, you cannot look at it as failure. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that your book is the equivalent of sunshine and rainbows and that everything is always going to go your way. I'm not going to tell you that you'll make Harry Potter money and be as famous as Stephen King one day. For most of us, that will never happen. The difference is, while we still keep that dream alive in the back of our minds, we know that that golden road is walked by a very few and we don't seek it out. We work hard, we keep writing, and if we don't find success with one book we move on to the next. We have something you need: thick skin.
When you get rejected, be upset, be angry, cry in the shower, or binge on tacos and beer, but don't respond with a passive aggressive email. You were not rejected for personal reasons. You were rejected because the person you submitted to did not click with your book and that's not a bad thing. If they didn't understand your story or your voice, why would you want them critiquing or editing you? They could end up altering your book so much that it doesn't feel like your book anymore. So I want you to look at it as though (and this is cliche) it was meant to be. You need to find someone who can really help you move your writing and your career in the right direction and that takes time and, let's be honest, a touch of luck. Keep writing! And when someone rejects you, read the email, mark them off your list, and move on to the next. Build up those calluses!
Being rejected isn't the end. It's simply a pothole on your road to success.
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